I remember your straggly hair
unfashionable clothes
painful pale thinness
world weary air
persistent cough
your daily struggle to find change.
I remember the day you were no longer there.
Previously published in Poetry Scotland
People for Totally Optional Prompts
20 comments:
Powerful last line.
Ah ha! I read it as change and thought him a philospher I read it is as change and thought him a beggar, cool poem,
Paul - cool comment, its change as in that needed to pay for bus fare.
I think the last line says it all..
good one--I write about this topic as well--keep it up and yes--very good ending!!
this is such a classic bus stop poem. I used to commute regularly by bus.
I can feel the deep sadness.
common man
How often one sees these struggling individuals simply trying to exist...
Very touching..
Juliet I have written a poem about a 39 year old who suffered from cancer.It is not about any prompt on any site .
Could I invite you to read it ?
http://la-muse07.blogspot.com/2008/04/life-in-hurry.html
So vivid, the diesel fumes are present. Wonderful!
i feel as if i knew the guy...
painfully beautiful
i believe that allowing oneself to be branded with the essence of humanity,, is one of the keys to eventually finding ones self....
Great work. A struggle for any kind of change is draining. The last line seals the poem in an aprupt, stark way– great line!
It takes so much talent to be concise and you've certainly achieved it here! What a picture!
Descriptive yet compact. The finality of the last line helps bring you down to earth. well written!
Says it all, in so few words.
Ooh, this grips me.
the last line is way powerful. beautiful words fors such a sad, sad reality. i see this everyday too.
The first part is a clear vision, but the last line is pure power. It left me saying "Oh!"
poignant....
a ache, reminds me of rachal
hadas' empty bed chapbook.
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