One of a dying breed
an elegant smoker, you lean
casually against the wall
and watch the room
through the mirror.
You kiss your girlfriend
and whisper - a smokescreen
of lies, while you reflect
on another woman.
Your girlfriend keeps
a voodoo doll in her pocket
savage with pinpricks.
Smoke prickles her to tears.
Smoke and Mirrors for Totally Optional Prompts
17 comments:
this has a making of a film noir
Nice one !!
I felt as if I had read an entire short story. That's what I call poetic compression !!! And I agree with the "noir feeling." Nice one.
I agree with billy.
Such a great story in so little words.
ohj that was good... for some reason the term "staccato" comes to mind...
loved it
lovely words...you have crafted it beautifully!
Some of the many different devices we all use to trick others as well as ourselves
From the gypsy-life allure to mystical voodoo. Wow, you're on a roll! ;)
To paraphrase the song:
Smoke gets in your mind
As with that Deep Purple song,
Smoke on the water, fire in the sky...
mindplay
I know this story! Great word choices take me right to the scene of the smoke.
You captured the cad nicely and in economy of words! I liked it very much.
How true.. sounds like a proper sweet talkin' guy. Ouch...
(Laughing at Andy's comment.) Superb, yes I love how some poems can really say so very much.
What an interesting and complex poem, so much done with so little, very open phrasing,
i agree with polona, this is definitely film noir. i love how it tells us of a complex story in so little words.
I adore these erotically-gothic-
mysterious pieces ... especially
love the smoke prickles her
to tears.
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